I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I need moral support for this bender
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
