don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
time to smoke my breakfast
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
