He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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