he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Terrible idea I love it
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
