I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
