I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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