I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
