I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize