meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
