I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize