He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You made out with two different species that night
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
