Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
