dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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