I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Who died my cat blue again?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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