saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
