At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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