to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I could fuck to npr.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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