I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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