Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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