Need sex. Gaining weight.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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