I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
