I'm really into asian looking animals
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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