We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
We are two peas in an std pod
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
