it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
We don't watch enough power rangers
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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