Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
