I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
