You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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