I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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