ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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