there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
tell me about the eggs
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