I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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