I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
