so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
