I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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