He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
