he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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