There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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