i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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