Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
