That's intense
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
