Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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