the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
