I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Randomize