I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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