Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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