dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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