I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
