Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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