Fine. I'll sleep in my office
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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