i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
how drunk are you?
Several
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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