No, drunk sperm still make babies.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
