I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
