i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
