you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
