How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
