im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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