i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
