I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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