3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
