my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
