Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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