Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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