i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize