her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
