you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
