i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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